Plan ahead

Planning and thinking ahead about the holidays will help make this time better for everyone in your family.

Try to have realistic expectations for yourself and your children about the holidays. We all want the holidays to be as perfect as the pictures we see in the movies and on TV. But the reality is never perfect – for any family. Often the holidays will create a number of additional stresses, such as childcare and financial matters. Talk with your children about these issues and be aware of your own expectations. Be realistic about how much time, energy, and money you have to spend on the holidays.

Decide well in advance how childcare will be managed over the holidays. Can you or your partner have time off over the holidays to look after your child? If not, alternative arrangements will need to be made. Perhaps another relative, such as a grandparent, would welcome the chance to spend some extra time with your child. Investigate the options of vacation care, or perhaps sporting camps. Planning these arrangements well in advance will allow you to prepare your child for their holiday care and reduce stress for you and your child.

Expect that you will see behaviour changes in your child before and after the holidays. These may include: angry outbursts, increased fighting with siblings, crying more than usual, sleep or appetite changes, sadness, irritability, or withdrawn behaviour. Behaviours like these are normal and may occur weeks before or after the holidays. You can help by talking with your child about how he or she is feeling. The best way to help is to give your child lots of extra attention, comfort, and support during this time and to maintain normal daily routines when possible. If behaviour changes persist after the holidays, you may want to seek help from a health professional who specialises in children.

Avoid making major changes in your child’s life during the hectic holiday time. For example, this is not a good time to move your toddler from a cot to a bed.

Make a holiday budget and try to stick to it. Overspending is a trap many parents fall into over the holidays. Parents often try to “make it up” to their children by showering them with expensive and extravagant gifts. Remember that the size of the gift you give has nothing to do with how good a parent you are. A “free” trip to the local park can also be as rewarding and fun as a much more expensive outing. It is also important for children to know that there are limits.

Remember to think ahead about your own needs and try to plan for them. Think about what you need over the holidays and try to fulfil those needs, if possible. It is easy to feel resentful or stressed over the holidays if you forget to take care of yourself and your needs. When you take good care of yourself, you have more to offer your child. If you are happy and content, your child will be, too.

Keep and create traditions

Keep up traditions your children look forward to and count on. Children take tremendous comfort and security from being able to count on the same rituals and traditions every year, whatever those traditions are. They do not have to be elaborate or expensive events. They can be simple activities like decorating the house, eating certain foods, listening to special music, or attending a religious service. Ask your children what traditions are most important to them, and make sure you make the time to keep them.

Involve your children in holiday preparations. Encourage them to help with meals, baking, gift-wrapping, and other holiday tasks. Do not get stuck doing everything yourself. Children usually enjoy preparing for the holidays. It gives them a sense of belonging and togetherness.

Keep it simple. Try not to over-schedule yourself or your child. Find ways to make easy meals for your children. Be as organised as possible. Remember that simple pleasures like making seasonal goodies together can bring some of the happiest moments for families.

Do fun things together. Visit close family friends. Drive around to look at the holiday lights. Go carolling. Go shopping together one afternoon. Take a trip to the zoo or the aquarium. It is these types of activities that will make the holidays memorable - and fun - for you and your children.

Talk with your child about the holidays

Involve children in decisions about how they will spend the holidays. However, keep in mind that some of your child’s wishes may not be realistic or possible for you to satisfy, particularly if your work continues over the holiday period. If your child will be attending vacation care, talk with them about what they would like to do in the time after work that you can spend together. The holidays mean no homework or after-school activities, so there may be extra time to do special things in the evening, such as going to the park for a game. Remember also that teenagers and older children may want to spend time with friends over the holidays, as well as with family.

Set expectations about activities. The holidays can cause financial strain, especially if you are on a limited budget. Set expectations about activities well before the holidays. Help your children understand that the holidays are about people being together and not about material things.

Be kind to yourself

We all want our children to be happy over the holidays. But it is also important to have realistic expectations about the holidays so that we do not end up feeling guilty and stressed.

Avoid the holiday hype. Stay away from malls and from places where you feel pressured to spend a lot of money.

Take care of yourself. Eat right. Exercise. Find ways to manage stress. Write down your thoughts.

If the holidays are hard for you, talk about what you are going through with someone you trust. Talk with a friend, someone from your religious community, a close relative, or a trusted co-worker. If things do not improve, consider talking with a professional counsellor.

If you anticipate that the holidays are going to be especially difficult, consider joining a support group or speak to an EAP Counsellor. They will provide professional assistance that will help support you through a potentially stressful time.